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distractions

Blog, Coaching, Faith, Speaking, Spiritual Gifts, Writing

The power of no

dreamI was coaching with a client today, and she was sharing how much difficulty she was having with distractions that are keeping her from writing her book.

The distractions seemed to be “good things”~ women who are coming to her for mentoring, privately messaging her on Facebook and texting. Yet afterward, she felt drained with no energy left for writing.

We have to say yes to God, yes to our family and loved ones, yes to speaking and writing ~ and NO to other things that are hindering us from fulfilling our purpose.

As women, we often have a hard time saying NO. By nature we are nurturers. We take care of our husbands, children, parents, siblings, friends, business peers or co-workers, audiences, clients, customers…even strangers. 

But it’s necessary in order to do what God is calling us to do. 

Learn the power of saying NO.

March 3, 2015 by
Blog, Business, Faith, Homeschooling, Marriage, Parenting, prayer, Speaking, Spiritual Gifts, Travel, Writing

Tired of and bored with Facebook (and other social media sites)?

Image courtesy of Basketman at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Basketman at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Are you sick and tired of Facebook? Burned out and bored with social media? Today I was talking with speaker/author Dana Arcuri about this. I shared with her that while I’ve met some AMAZING friends and business associates on social media, and am able to keep up with our grown daughters, their children, and family and friends who live in other states on Facebook (for which I’m extremely thankful), I’m tired and bored with social media. And I don’t want to just live a virtual life!

Apparently I’m not alone, because others want to leave Facebook. It’s crowded, it’s becoming more about advertising, and teens don’t want to use it any more because their family and friends are now on it (teens want to be independent!). And worse: it’s getting boring! So often users forget the cardinal rule of relationships: “Thou shalt not bore thy friends.”

Facebook can ruin relationships, according to this post by Elizabeth Bernstein. She writes that people post about what they eat, “uber cute kittens,” say they need to floss their teeth (yuck!), get lovey-dovey with a spouse (why do this?), or say rude things they wouldn’t normally say in a million years in real life (apparently they feel safe enough to act this way, hiding behind their laptop or computer).

The drama, the bragging, the boringness, the familiarity, and the constant promotional “Buy this!”are driving people away – especially young people – to other sites like YouTube, Pinterest, Instagram, Path, and Snapchat. Teens want more creative self-expression rather than telling all the mundane details of your life. 

Dana shared this article with me today, which was very eye-opening. 

Referring to Facebook as “FaceCrack,” likening it to crack cocaine, the article states that Facebook (and other social media sites like Twitter):

  • create brain changes similar to those hooked on drugs and alcohol;
  • diminish attention span, result in superficial learning, feed narcisstic tendencies (selfies!), and create a disconnect between your real-world personality and online identity; 
  • leaves people feeling lonely, miserable, envious, frustrated, and angry.

God made us for an intimate, fulfilling relationship with Him and others. He never created us to live just virtual lives, but to have real ones.

I’m extremely grateful for the wonderful friends and business contacts I’ve made on Facebook and other social media sites. They have enlarged my territory and given me a wider, even a global, platform for speaking and writing. Yes, absolutely, I will continue using social media to connect with friends and business peers. Social media is not just a fad, and it’s not going away.

But I absolutely refuse to be a social media slave.

I love the options the article How Facebook is Altering Your Mind suggest, and want to share them here, plus add a few of my own:

  • Read good books. Yes, paper ones.  Read my books. “You will notice with a good book you find a comfortable place to sit, the light is better, your breathing relaxes – your body and mind relax.” Books take you places you have never been. They also help you learn many new things, inspire and motivate you, and give you great, valuable content to share with others. My husband Ray and I devour books each week. 
  • Exercise. Get outside the house in the fresh air and sunshine. I’ve been doing this lately, and on the days where it’s too cold to walk at the track (like this past week, when it was only 7 degrees!), I work out to a kickboxing video. Just get moving! Live! Get fit and healthy so you can fulfill your God-given purpose. This is good for your body, soul, and spirit. 
  • Contemplate. Gift yourself the time to observe and reflect. Meditation is excellent mind training. Most major world religions teach this. For Christians, this would be time to meditate on the Bible, memorize Scriptures, and prayer. You can sit in a park, people-watch at the airport or coffee shop, enjoy the quiet of a library, or hike a mountain.
  • Do things in your community. Get involved. Church activities, sports, plays, farmer’s markets. “Get out and DO. You are wasting time on Facebook. If that last sentence rings true, turn it off and get out there. Life is beautiful.”
  • Take a missions trip. My friend Kim Weber and her son Nathaniel are planning a short-term missions trip to Haiti this fall. We have a mission field right here in the U.S. ~ our children and grandchildren, nephews and nieces; inner cities; slums. Make a difference where you are or go to a place where there’s a need and unselfishly help meet it.
  • Spend time with your family and friends. What good is it to have wonderful relationships online with friends, if you are ignoring the people in your own house or those God so carefully placed in your life? Let’s face it, if someone only spends time on a computer, laptop, or smart phone, they get weird. You were created for face to face relationships. Eat supper with your family at night. Go to lunch or coffee with a friend or biz peer. Go on a date with your husband or wife to see a good movie, or to a bookstore. Meet with other Christians for a Bible study, prayer, and/or worship. Have a girls’ night out with a jewelry party, chocolate cheesecake dessert, or fun pedicures. Enjoy and love your family and friends in real life!
  • Use your spiritual gifts, talents, and skills. Do what God has called and anointed you to do. For me, this is speaking and writing books. What are your spiritual gifts? Do you know? If not, find out what they are. You can take online tests. Read Spiritual Gifts and Ministries of the Holy Spirit by Lester Sumrall and Step Out and Take Your Place by Krista Dunk. Don’t be like the man who hid his talents in Matthew 25:8, but use your talents ~ and God will bless you with more. Live your life in a way to seek to please God.

 Please don’t misunderstand and think I hate Facebook or other social media sites and am telling you to get off them completely (or at all). Social media has been a blessing in my life and enriched my life through meeting new people and enabling me to do things (like speak in Canada, the Bahamas, and Africa) that I may have never been able to do, otherwise.

Social media is a TOOL. Use it as such. Keep things in balance. Just remember to live your REAL life – offline!

 

February 25, 2015 by
Distractions
Blog, Faith, Homeschooling, Marriage, Parenting, prayer, Writing

3 Tips for How To Overcome Distractions

Distractions - Image Resource: Pinterest

Distractions – Image Resource: Pinterest

Distraction.

Definitions:

  • something that diverts attention: something that interferes with concentration or takes attention away from something else
  • amusement: something providing entertainment or amusement, especially something that takes the mind off work or worries and helps relaxation
  • emotional upset: a state of great mental upset or emotional intensity
  • mental distress or derangement
  • mental confusion
  • a drawing apart
  • something that takes your attention away from what you’re supposed to be doing.

We face distractions daily. Sometimes what people do distracts us, because they take stupidity to a new level. Or they are drama queens or kings. Or they are purposely trying to upset or anger us.

Sometimes circumstances distract us. These are situations like financial stresses, health issues, or a tragedy like a natural disaster or a loved one dying in a car wreck, illness, or injury.

Sometimes our own thoughts distract us. It’s beautiful and sunny outside and you just want to play instead of working on your business.

How do you deal with them? Here are 3 tips for how to overcome distractions.

  1. Prioritize. If you know what your core values are – what is most important to you – and what your God-given purpose is, you can laser focus. Values might be family, faith, integrity, honesty, sincerity, and close friendships. It’s important to write down what really matters to you and what your goals in life are, breaking them down into goals for every year (if not every 10 and 5 years), month, week, and day.

    “Reduce your plan to writing… The moment you complete this, you will have definitely given concrete form to the intangible desire.”  – Napoleon Hill.

    Once you know what those values and goals are, you can push through the obstacles and distractions which come your way each day by praying about them, setting aside a certain time of the day/evening to deal with them (and for a limited period of time, such as with social media), or finding an immediate solution (such as outsourcing a tech issue that is beyond your knowledge). In some cases, you need to ignore the distraction and concentrate, like noise outside your office – or even RUN from the distraction (think Joseph and Potiphar’s wife).

  2. Renew your mind daily.  If you keep thinking the same distracting thoughts, you won’t get anything new and great accomplished. Or as I heard on K-Love Radio this week, we can’t stay sustained on yesterday’s manna. Romans 12: 2 says, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” 

    The way we renew our minds is by spending time daily in prayer, reading and meditating on the Bible, and worshipping God. When we do that, our thoughts and our actions will line up with God’s thoughts and actions. God is not ever confused or distracted. He will transform us into His image as we draw closer to Him. We begin to think and act more like Jesus as we spend more time with Him. When we think and respond the way He does, we will become all He created us to be and do the things He desires for us to do. We will bear much fruit, abiding in Him. (John 15:8)

  3. Let it go and let go. Let’s face it, sometimes things happen over which we have no control. The phone or the doorbell rings as you’re working on an important project, the washer or the car breaks down, kids get sick or rebel, a spouse says something hurtful or does something to anger or upset you, traffic backs up when you’re on your way to an important meeting, you lose your keys or can’t find a necessary document, a co-worker backstabs you, a friend gets mad at you, on and on. Breathe. Breathe again. Let it go. Let go of the control.

    Ask God for His help and intervention. There’s only so much you can do with certain distractions. You’re not in control and you won’t ever be in that situation. Release the control. Even learn to laugh because laughter is good medicine. At the very least, recognize that an unexpected blessing or lesson is wrapped up in this particular distraction. God is growing you, stretching you, preparing you for something wonderful ahead. Cultivate gratitude for what you do have. Lay it at the foot of the cross. Give it to God, trust Him with it because He can handle it so much better than you can. Ask Him to help you respond Christ-like with agape love, compassion, and forgiveness.

How do you deal with distractions when they come? Leave your comments below.

August 14, 2013 by