bumble bee - Copyright 2012 Leah Jones

Sometimes Ray and I have interesting conversations late at night as we’re laying in bed to go to sleep. Last night was a prime example.

The entire thing started because yesterday Ray, I, and our daughters Heather and Leah went to see the new Spiderman movie (regular version, not 3D). In the movie, Peter Parker’s father’s former partner, Dr. Curt Connor of Oscorp, injects himself with a chemical he’s been experimenting with on defective lab animals, to try to grow his amputated arm and hand. Instead, it turns him into a super-power, evil lizard.

“The Lizard” is bent on spraying the city of New York with a biological weapon of this chemical, creating the people into super-power, ferocious lizards, too. Peter finds the home of The Lizard by noticing that the little green lizards in the city are going into the sewer, and he as “Spiderman” goes down there to fight it.

These lizards in the movie reminded me of lizards in the south. I don’t know if these lizards were chameleons, geckos, or anoles, but they could change color.  This is what I was talking to Ray about last night, and then he told me two incredible, hilarious stories from his childhood.

Lizard (chameleon)

Image Resource:  FreeDigitalPhotos.net

First, my lizard story

My mother used to be terrified of these lizards. It would send us four kids into gales of laughter when we saw our big mama running when she saw one or climbing on a kitchen chair. She’d scream, “KILL IT, Leland!”  Daddy would shake his head and smile at her silly fear, saying, “Oh, it’s not going to hurt a thing!” He then proceeded to brush it outside with the broom or with a stick from outside.

My brothers Greg and Herbert (Herbert is affectionately known as “Bubba”; a lot of brothers in the south are called “Bubba”) liked to play with the lizards. Greg would pick one up that had found its way on our back porch to scare mama with it, and the tail would break off, a defense mechanism from predators. (The tails may grow back.) Mama would scream, we’d laugh, and Greg or daddy would force it outside to “rescue” mama.

While I don’t really care for reptiles, I wasn’t scared of the lizards and became accustomed to seeing them on our back porch, staring at them curiously and the lizards looking back at me with just as much interest. They actually look quite intelligent. It fascinated me that their scaly skin could turn from emerald green to leaf-brown, and back again, and that the tail could snap off and grow again.

Coral Snake Jewelry

After I shared my lizard story, Ray then felt prompted to one-up me as he often does. I wouldn’t believe these incredible stories, if it weren’t for the fact that I’ve been married to this man for 19 years and know his behavior can be odd at times. Plus, I have seen him pick up snakes for fun and to impress our kids, so I know he does it.

Ray grew up in Louisiana and Texas, where fascinating critters abound. When Ray was about five years old, his friends dared him to pick up the “pretty colored” coral snake. Can we say DEADLY?  Ray knew it was poisonous, but what a better way to gain a reputation with his friends as macho. He picked one up by the tail, and wrapped it around his arm, somehow getting the snake to bite its own tail.

Deadly coral snake – Image Resource Wikipedia

Surely God’s angels surrounded Ray as a child. The coral snake has one of the most potent venoms of any North American snakes, with a neurotoxin that can paralyze breathing muscles, causing respiratory failure within hours!

Little Ray ran with his “coral snake bracelet” to proudly show his mother who was inside the house, trying to get a moment’s peace from her hyperactive ADD child.  When Ray showed it to her, she freaked out and screamed at him to PUT THE POISONOUS SNAKE DOWN RIGHT THIS MINUTE!

Ray and his friends, not content with this being a one-time event, tried it a couple more times. I commented that it’s a wonder Ray’s mother survived his childhood, and Ray dryly replied it’s a wonder HE survived it.

The bumble bee story

As a child, Ray often entertained himself by capturing critters. One he enjoyed playing with was the bumble bee.

He’d heard that if you get a leather belt and spit on the inside of it, you could rub the belly of a bumble bee with the rough wet hide, the bee woudl get mad and try to sting, and its stinger would fall out. Then you could play with the bumble bee without getting stung.

Ray said that he would do this and sometimes he even tied string around its belly to make it fly in a circle like an airplane.

Oh my gosh. Last night I laughed and laughed at this image.  I can definitely see Ray doing something like this.

I asked Leah to draw a picture of a bumble bee on her graphic art tablet this morning, with the string around it. She whipped it up quickly for me. Isn’t it cute? She’s such a great artist!

bumble bee -Copyright 2012 Leah Jones

One time Ray caught a bumble bee and he was curious to know if the stinger would still sting if it wasn’t in the bee. So he touched it to see. Of course, the stinger did still work, and he ran crying to his mom, and told her that his “friend” had stung him. Eventually he had to ‘fess up and tell the whole story.

From that point on, Ray was invincible. He began deliberately catching bees and hornets, stirring up their nests to tease them,  letting them sting him in his hands.

My big foot from a bee sting

Apparently he’s not allergic to them like I am. As a child, I was stung once on the bare foot by a bumble bee, and my foot swelled up to twice its size.

I avoid them and any flying insects at all costs. The other day a wasp or hornet somehow got into our kitchen. When I die, I want it to be peacefully in my sleep. I don’t want my obit to read, “Beth Jones’ life was tragically cut short and she died on her kitchen floor by a bee sting.”

Terrified of Leah or me being stung, I cautiously snuck to the bottom cabinet to get out the spray insect killer, and sprayed G.I. Jane-like at it from across the room, a dozen times. Finally the wasp, drunk on the potion, laid on the floor a minute, and I pounced on it with the fly swatter, hitting it over and over to make sure it was really dead. Then I grabbed a handful of napkins to gather up its body parts, to make sure I wouldn’t be accidentally stung and threw it away in a plastic bag in the trash.

What’s the point?!

I know you may be wondering what’s the point of this blog post…if there IS one. Yes. It’s this: sometimes our enemy Satan attacks us with either real or perceived dangers. We can be intimidated with imagined fears and overreact like my mother, screaming and climbing on a chair to get away from something basically harmless, like the lizards. Or we can walk in ignorance that there are spiritual traps, like Ray wrapping a coral snake around his wrist as a bracelet, or playing with bumblebees.

We need to use wisdom to know the difference each day, being alert to Satan’s dangerous weapons of warfare.

*******

To learn more about spiritual warfare, check out my ebook The Hands Of A Woman: Everyday Women In Everyday Battles.

Print Friendly
Kristine McGuire

Kristine McGuire

Each day we as Christian women face some kind of spiritual battle, because we have an enemy whose job as the thief is to steal, kill, and destroy. (John 10:10)

Maybe that battle is a financial crisis. Or a marriage on the verge of divorce.

Maybe it’s issues with chronic depression, an eating disorder, or a quick temper.

Or maybe the spiritual battle is about our teen who’s become addicted to alcohol or drugs.

For wife and mom Kristine McGuire, her spiritual battle was the occult.

An eight-year journey through the occult and into freedom

Though Kristine McGuire was raised in a Christian home, at an early age she became fascinated by the occult. At sleepovers she and her friends told fortunes and held séances. As a teenager she was convicted and put all games of mysticism aside. She went to a Christian college and married a Christian man. But despite her decision to follow God, a longing for the occult persisted, leading her to leave her church and husband and to fully embrace witchcraft.

Escaping the Cauldron, available for pre-order at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Christianbook.com, takes you deep inside Kristine’s eight-year journey as a witch, medium, and ghost hunter. Part Bible study, part memoir, it exposes the subtle occult influences that affect us as it reveals how God mercifully delivered her out of the occult altogether and restored her faith and life in Christ.

Escaping The Cauldron

Join me and my special guest, Kristine McGuire, on my Women’s Battles Talkshoe show on Tuesday, August 14, at 11 am CST/12 pm EST, as Kristine shares her powerful story to help set men and women free.You can join us in the chat room at Talkshoe by clicking here.

Or you can call into Talkshoe with the call-in details below:

Phone Number: (724) 444-7444
Call ID: 98698

We would love to see you there at this anointed show. You are welcome to come with your questions and to share your thoughts. Mark your calendar now!

Kristine McGuire is an inspirational writer and speaker, sharing her testimony and encouraging others in their walk with Christ. A gifted writer, her work has been featured on Positively Feminine, Faithful Devotions, and Praise & Coffee Magazine (Fall 2011). Kristine’s book, Escaping the Cauldron will be available in stores everywhere on September 4, 2012 and is currently available for pre-order at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Christianbook.com

You can find out more about Kristine at her website, http://kristinemcguire.com.

Print Friendly
Hermit crab

Hermit crab

What are your fun summer plans? What is new in your life right now?

Here’s what is new with me:

  • I just finished writing my new ebook, Bahama Mama: When God Uses Ordinary Women For His Extraordinary Purposes. You can see what other women are saying about this great little ebook (for just $5!) by clicking here (the testimonial box). Everyone who buys this ebook will get to join an exclusive online event, my first Spreecast – where you can chat with me and other Bahama Mamas by video. :)
  •  I’m still working on my book, Promises In The Dark: One Woman’s Search for Authentic Love Through Abuse, Abortion, and Adultery, which should be out by fall 2012. If you’re not already signed up on my personal mailing list to be FIRST to hear about its release, sign up today on the right hand side at the top of the page – and get your free G.I.F.T.S. study! Have you been abused as a child, had an abortion, or had an affair – or know someone who has? If so, I’d really like to hear from you. Email me at elizabethdjones@gmail.com or leave your comments below. How did those things affect your life? What were the consequences? How has God turned what Satan meant for evil into good in your life?
  • Leah and I are still working on her driving so she can test for her driver’s license. She no longer takes right turns at 90 mph, going into ongoing traffic, and I can breathe again. She’s actually doing very well. Please pray she passes the driver’s test soon!
  • Playing catch up! I missed past episodes of Army Wives, and have been trying to catch up watching them this week up to Season 6. Ray was in the navy for over 14 years, and feels that me watching Army Wives is almost treason. He says I should instead watch Navy Wives. You have to understand that in military men’s minds, while the army and the navy are supposed to be on the same team, it is NOT true that, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.”   The Marines make fun of Army guys, and vice versa. Oo-rah! (The Marine’s battle cry, which really means, “Let’s kick some butt!” The Army uses a similar word, “Hooah!”) I don’t care about this silly competition between the Navy and the Army. I just like the Army Wives show! I’m addicted to it, but NOT nearly as much as I was to Lost. (Still grieve that show is over!)
  • I’ve started walking again, training to do another 5K this year.  Heather just finished a challenging 5K with hills and is signed up for two more 5K’s this summer. What are you doing to take care of beautiful you? Walking, running, zumba, belly dancing? (Don’t laugh! I have a friend who’s doing it and loves it – it’s great for the abs!)
  • Planning more field and road trips with Leah. I’d love to travel all over the U.S. and the world, wouldn’t you? But it’s not always (financially) possible ~ so we might have to settle for the next town. :)   It’s so fun to go someplace new, seeing new sites, eating at a new place, experiencing new things, even if it’s a new city. I plan to take Leah to the new Kansas City Sea Aquarium and the new Kansas City Titanic Exhibit soon. Are your eyes and heart wide open for all God has for you? We can get in a rut sometimes doing the same thing, day after day. Today take a step to try something new or go someplace new!
  • I’m scheduling new speaking engagements for fall 2012 now. If you are an event planner or know someone who needs a speaker at a women’s conference, retreat, workshop, online event, etc., just drop me an email at elizabethdjones@gmail.com or let me know on my Facebook page.

Whatever you are doing this summer, I pray it’s a fun one. Please leave your comments below to let me hear how you’re doing and your summer plans.

Print Friendly
Beth Jones

Beth Jones

I am so excited and honored to be speaking on my friend Tony Robinson’s Well Watered Woman Ministry Blog Talk Radio Show tonight at 8 p.m. CST/9 p.m. EST, and we would LOVE to have you join us live in the chat room or by phone. If you aren’t able to hear the call, there will be a replay at Blog Talk Radio afterward in the archives.

I’ll be sharing the same message that I gave at the Women of Destiny conference on the cruise to the Bahamas, Your Great Destiny.

You can listen on your computer or by phone.

Click here for the link to the show to join Tony in the chat room. You can ask Tony or me questions, share your “aha’s” or comments, or ask prayer requests.

To join the chat room, you sign in with your BTR user name and password or sign in as a guest.

Below are the call-in details for the show, if you would rather call into the show:

BTR Phone No.: (949) 266-671

We would love to see you there!

Print Friendly
ID-10018748

This week I’m preparing for my speaking presentation for the Women of Destiny conference that’s on a cruise to the Bahamas. Here are some of the things I’ve had to do to get ready for this conference and cruise:

  • Pray to make sure it was God’s will and for the speaking topic
  • Prepare my speaking presentation and print out my notes
  • Renew my passport
  • Well Watered Woman Ministries covered my cruise costs (God bless them!), so my cabin is now paid for and booked!!!
  • Book my roundtrip flight to Miami, FL
  • Book two nights at the hotel in Miami, FL – one the night before the cruise ship departs and one night after we get back
  • Added our oldest daughter Heather’s  name to our checking account so she can access our checking account and pay two utility bills for us while we’re gone
  • Go to the doctor to get a prescription for a medicine patch that goes behind the ear, in case I need it for seasickness – please pray I will NOT get seasick!

God has provided for ALL my expenses for this trip – HUGE answered prayer! He is so good and faithful!

Ray is planning to go with me, but the cruise is full now so he is on a (short) waiting list for a cabin and we are praying in the finances for his costs – the cabin cost, his air fare, and we’re going to need at least a little spending money while there (I’d like to bring our kids a souvenir! All meals are covered with the cruise, so we don’t have to be concerned about meal costs while there.)

Would you pray in agreement with me for money miracles for Ray’s expenses? :)   I appreciate your prayers! I am anticipating GOD TO MOVE QUICKLY!

Oh, I’m pumped up now ~ so excited about this conference! I believe God is going to do great things, much more than we can imagine. I can’t wait to come back and tell you the exciting things that happened!

Please keep our children and grandchildren in your prayers, and please pray for God’s anointing and authority upon me as I speak. I always consider speaking a great honor, and this is an INCREDIBLE opportunity for which I’m so thankful!

I will keep you updated regarding Ray. This week is a BIG faith walk for us as we are praying in those funds for Ray to go, too!  He already has the vacation time off from his work. I believe he has a divine appointment on this trip and am believing in faith he will go with me! He’s always wanted to go on a cruise to the Bahamas, and this would be such a blessing to him. He works so hard at his job as a paramedic and this would be a GREAT, MUCH-DESERVED vacation for him.

One way you could help if you feel led by God to do so is to purchase one (or several!) of my products! (I know, how bold, right?!) :D   But it’s good soil to sow your seed. I consider this to be a missionary journey. This opportunity was not something I sought out for myself; God sovereignly opened the door for me to do this!  God is sending me to the Bahamas for a Divine purpose, but I believe He wants to use Ray’s gifts even more than mine there.  Just click here to visit my E-store to purchase one of my products. I’m working on a new book now, and plan to add more products to the Estore when I come home.

I have never been on a cruise before and am not sure quite what to expect! If you have been on a cruise before, please leave your comments below. Where did you go on your cruise? Share something exciting that you did like an excursion, a funny story, tips for the cruise, or whatever you’d like. I’d love to glean from the benefit of your experience!

Image Resource: Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Print Friendly
50238du9w89ifc0

I’ve been doing different things this morning, none of which are productive but are a lot of fun. I am still in my comfy pj’s and slippers with no makeup on, I’ve had too much caffeine and just had chips & salsa to eat, and I’ve been watching videos of Gary Vaynerchuk, the New York Times and Wall Street Journal best-selling author of Crush It (and a new book called The Thank You Economy). Gary is offensively profane, but he knows what he’s talking about when it comes to online business and social media.

One of the powerful things he said on one video was, “Marry your consumer.”

Of course, I’m already married (although Ray might be willing to offer me to the highest bidder), but you get it. Gary is saying, KNOW THEM. Know their likes, dislikes, passions, interests, what they eat, what movies they love, what books and magazines they read, what they look like, what they buy, what they don’t buy, what their deepest need and fear is, what they’re tweeting, what pics they’re sharing on Facebook.

And know their story.

Sandi Krakowski wrote about “their story” in her ezine this morning, and it resonated with me. I wanted to share it with you ~ and to also say thank YOU for visiting my website, reading my blogs, attending my telecalls and webinars, signing up for my ezine, buying my products and coaching services. I’m honored you’ve chosen to be in my space, my home on the web.

I could NOT do this business/ministry without God, my family’s support, and YOU. You make what I do possible and I appreciate it so much.  I’m grateful for you!

“You” are from all over the world. My website stats show me that the top countries for people visiting my site are:

  • U.S.
  • Germany
  • Russian Federation
  • Canada
  • Great Britain
  • Romania
  • France.

I have visitors from my Facebook page, my YouTube channel, my Pinterest, NACWE, Amazon, Iphone, and Android phones.

You find my site from top keywords like God, The Last Song podcast, U.S. Troops, Beth Jones, Lost (t.v. series show that I was addicted to) storms, prayer, and interestingly enough, fuzzy robes (I know, huh? LOL).

The most popular city of visitors of  my Facebook business page is Houston, Texas. The most popular age group of visitors to my Facebook business page are 35 to 44 years old, although my Facebook page visitors are from 13 years old to over 55 years old. (17% are 25 to 34 years old).

The majority of my Facebook business page visitors are women (91%) and men visitors are 8.2%. My Facebook business page visitors are from the U.S., South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, Japan, and Bulgaria.

It completely humbles me that God is using me to touch people (women and men, Generations Y and Z), of all ages and backgrounds, across the world. Thank you seems so inadequate…but I offer it with all my heart.

Wherever you are from, whatever you’re doing, I’m glad you’re here today for me to serve, encourage, and pray for you.

From my heart…

“As I look through our social media profiles and I see your faces; as I read through the emails in our Aweber account and I see your names, I’m struck with the awareness that each one of you has a story. Each one of you has a home you go to every single night (some of you work there as well).  You are someone’s wife and you are someone’s husband. Some of you are a daughter or a son. Some are with a lot of people all day, and others are very much alone. The fact remains that the reason you are getting this update today, a weekly wrap up on April 27, 2012 is very simple- you desire to hang out with us, through email, our blog and social media.  I wish you could see my face right now and feel my heart. I’m honored and I don’t ever want to take this for granted. With the truest of motives and the most sincere place of my heart- thank you.” ~ Sandi Krakowski

Print Friendly
dreams

This morning I read my “Life Application Daily Devotional” by Tyndale House Publishers and thought it was excellent, so I wanted to share it with you:

Sensible people keep their eyes glued on wisdom, but a fool’s eyes wander to the ends of the earth.
Proverbs 17:24, NLT

While there is something to be said for having big dreams, this proverb points out the folly of chasing fantasies. How much better to align your goals with God’s, being the kind of person he wants you to be! Such goals (wisdom, honesty, patience, love) may not seem exciting, but they will determine your eternal future.

Take time to think about your dreams and goals, and make sure they cover the really important areas of life.

Are your dreams and goals in alignment with God’s? Or are you doing just what you want to do or using your human reasoning to set dreams and goals?

One way to find out what God’s plans and goals for you are is to just get quiet and be still, listening to Him. My friend Beth Cranford painted a beautiful picture of this in her blog post about her and her little boy, Just Sit There and Be Quiet.

I’d love to hear comments from you below about aligning your goals with God’s.

Image Resource: Image: Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Print Friendly
me and Ray

Here is part 3 of 20 Things I’ve Learned (from 20 years with my husband).

16. Prayer is vital; pray about everything! If you’ve been married longer than say, two weeks, let’s face it, by now you thought you’d be divorced ~- or would have killed each other. Marriage is hard work. Straight up, marriage can be hell. It’s important to bathe everything in prayer. Pray for your spouse. Pray for your marriage every day. Even if it feels like it’s too late for this to work, there is always hope in Christ. Nothing is impossible with God. (Luke 1:37) Many people are amazed that Ray and I are still married, because of all we’ve been through. It is God who has kept us together this long.

Pray over every aspect of your marriage. Pray for your husband to be the leader God has called him to be. Pray he will walk in obedience to God. Pray against laziness, apathy and spiritual lukewarmness. Pray for physical and mental strength for him to do his job, and for favor for him at work. Pray he will get along peacefully with co-workers. Pray for wisdom for both of you for parenting. Pray about your sex life. (Did you know you can pray as you’re having sex, for God to help you have great sex?) Pray for protection over your husband from lust, perversion, pornography, and physical and emotional affairs. (This includes the internet.) Pray he will desire what is pure, lovely, and of good report (Philippians 4:8) – the movies he watches, the books he reads, the music he listens to. Ask God to help him make a covenant with God with his eyes, to not look with lust at a woman. (Job 31:1)

Pray for your husband to use the spiritual gifts, talents, and skills God has put inside of him for His glory. Pray he will fulfill his great destiny. Pray for your finances and for God’s blessings upon you. Pray for God to help you become one flesh with your husband and the wife he needs and desires. Pray for your husband’s and your dreams to come true. Pray for your marriage to become a picture of Christ and the Church. (Ephesians 5:23-32)

17. Just let it go. This applies to so many things. Forgiveness. Yesterday’s mistake or sin. Irritations. (Husbands and wives know exactly which buttons to push to make each other mad, like Ray burning food all the time or making so much noise.) We magnify the trivial and trivialize what’s important in marriage. Live as if each day were your last. Would you want to die, after just having a fight with your husband over him throwing dirty clothes on the floor, him remembering that as the last thing you said to him?

Is what you’re so upset, angry, disappointed, frustrated, or hurt about worth it in the light of eternity? LET IT GO.

Here is a quote on letting go by Poet-Author C. Joybell C:

“And I told him, I said: “One day you’re going to miss the subway because it’s not going to come. One of these days, it’s going to break down and it’s not going to come around and everyone else will just wait for the next one or will take the bus, or walk, or run to the next station: they will go on with their lives. And you’re not going to be able to go on with your life! You’ll be standing there, in the subway station, staring at the tube. Why? Because you think that everything has to happen perfectly and on time and when you think it’s going to happen! Well guess what! That’s not how things happen! And you’ll be the only one who’s not going to be able to go on with life, just because your subway broke down. So you know what, you’ve got to let go, you’ve got to know that things don’t happen the way you think they’re going to happen, but that’s okay, because there’s always the bus, there’s always the next station…you can always take a cab.”

18. He’s not your girlfriend. I think it’s ridiculous when I hear people argue that there are no differences between men and women. This. is. so. not. true. Keep in mind that your husband is a MAN, and different from you, and he’s not your girlfriend. He doesn’t want to spend hours talking about everything under the sun and in your heart, like your women friends would. He doesn’t want to SHOP or go to Starbucks and sit there for an hour, soaking in the delicious coffee aroma, the cute pictures, and the coffee shop atmosphere. Women dissect every conversation, event, birth, death, wedding, and in between things. They want and need to TALK – a LOT, about everything. They are into the details; men are not.

Learn to recognize the warning signs that your man’s man is at his limits: the eyes glazing over, the stone face, the screaming for mercy (just kidding). It’s important for you and your husband to talk and keep lines of communication open every day, but he can’t fill every need in your life. Only God can do that.

You also need women friends who you can talk to, shop, laugh, cry, and pray with, and confide in daily. I have met some of the best friends in my life online. Find women online (and offline) who you can connect with, network with, and open your heart to each day.

19. He’s your husband; have great sex a lot with him! This is one of the biggest complaints I hear from single, widowed, or divorced women – they can’t have sex. Well, they can have sex, but then they’d be labeled a ho. :O

The Bible is clear and direct that as husbands and wives, we shouldn’t defraud (deprive) each other sexually except in times of fasting, so that we won’t be tempted out of a lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:5) The original Greek word for defraud in this verse means to rob or deny. You’re robbing each other of pleasure by not making sex a priority.

It’s just setting up the two of you for trouble when you go days (weeks, months!) without sex. You don’t want your husband focused on that woman’s tush as she bends over at his work, all because he’s not getting any at home. You don’t want to start fantasizing about Justin Bartha in The Rebound movie, because you and your husband haven’t had sex in…well, how long has it been now? All religious spirits, please sit down now. Women, let’s get real here. This is a SERIOUS topic that the church NEEDS to address! As my former pastor said years ago, sexual intimacy is a form of spiritual warfare against the enemy!

“Drink water from your own well—share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in public, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Don’t share it with strangers. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving doe, a graceful deer. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.” (Proverbs 5:15-19)

A GREAT resource about sex for Christian women is Sheila Wray Gregoire’s website. She’s written a new book on sex, and has many articles on this topic, as well as on speaking, writing, and social media.

20. The best gift and legacy you could give your kids is a stable, loving, lasting marriage. Our daughter Heather gave Ray and me a sweet, pretty anniversary card this week, and in it she wrote, asking us to please leave her, her sisters, and our grandchildren “a legacy of love, forgiveness, humbleness, and honor.” In today’s world of nearly 50% of marriages ending in painful divorce, what greater gift could you give your children and grandchildren than a lasting, godly marriage?

Do what it takes to make your marriage last. Talk it out. Get a sitter and go on dates. Reignite your sex life. Do the little things that help a marriage so much. Laugh with each other again. Do something new to alleviate the mundane and boring. Forgive. Argue if necessary, but fight fair. If need be, go to a marriage counselor. But give your children and grandchildren the legacy of love. There’s enough divorce in this world. Make a difference. Paint a picture of Christ and His Beautiful Bride through your marriage.

(Photo below: Me and Ray)

***Did you enjoy this 3-part blog series? Be sure to sign up at the top of the page on the right-hand side for my bi-monthly ezine at www.BethJones.net, to receive free articles, videos, and the latest updates about my speaking events and products.

Print Friendly
mimes

Mimes

Yesterday was my 19th wedding anniversary. Today’s blog post is part 2 of 20 Things I’ve Learned (from 20 Years with my husband). It is long, so I am going to continue tomorrow with the 3rd part in this series:

11. Sometimes men are such babies. I know that women are supposed to honor their husbands, and this sounds so disrespectful. But every woman on the planet knows that it’s true. I have often asked Ray how on earth he was in the military for so long (he served in the Navy for 14 years as a combat medic), has been a fireman and a fire chief, a police chief, and was on a SWAT team, busting down doors for drug raids, when he can be such a wimp sometimes.  At the first sign of winter, he begins shivering hard and saying, “BRRRR! It’s co-o-o-ld!” I have to restrain myself from telling him to man up. I know, I am terrible. I think he’s doing it so I will be sympathetic, plug in the electric blanket, and bring him a cup of hot cocoa.

Men crave being taken care of by women. When they get sick. Or when they’re tired. Or when they really want sex. Or when they look into the refrigerator and can’t see the ketchup bottle or ranch dressing that is RIGHT in front of them, and the woman can find it instantly for him. (I found out this is actually a vision issue; women’s two X chromosomes give them a greater variety of  cone-shaped cells in the eyes, which gives them superior color vision. They also have greater peripheral vision, giving them an arc of at least 45 degrees clear vision to each side of the head, and the same broad spectrum of vision above and below the nose. Men have more of a tunnel vision, seeing accurately over longer distances like a pair of binoculars. )

Men don’t want their wives to act like their mothers, but want to be mothered. A good meal cooked. Their clothes washed, dried, and ironed – with starch. The eternal backrubs. Empathy when they’re griping about someone at work. The longer you go without giving men these things, the worse and more demanding their behavior gets. So just do it, as his helpmeet – as unto the Lord. Ask God to help you do it with a cheerful attitude, instead of resentment, and God will bless you for it. “A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones.” (Proverbs 15:30)

12.  Appreciate his gifts. After you open a birthday, Christmas, or Valentine’s gift, be sure to let him know how thoughtful it was, even if it’s a present you don’t even like. Looking at it dubiously and asking, “What the heck is this? I am not going to use this!” is no way to woo your husband. (I promise, I only did this once.) And, worse, he won’t buy you any more presents after that! I am blessed in that Ray has always been SO GREAT at buying me presents. I warned him when we first married, to NEVER buy me presents like a toaster ~ no kitchen or “useful, practical” gifts! If he’s going to get me a present, get me something I want and love!

Initially when we married, he gave me wonderful, romantic gifts like red roses, chocolates, an emerald and diamond ring, my birthday sapphire ring, a beautiful painting…now he knows I like more geeky gifts: an Ipod, a laptop, a smart phone. This week I told Ray how much I love my laptop, just as a reminder of my appreciation that he bought it for me for my birthday. Verbally express and show your appreciation for the little (and big) things your husband does for you.

Also, study your husband. What does he enjoy? This past year, I bought Ray a Kindle for his birthday. He LOVED it and uses it every day. If you have drifted apart and you don’t know what he really likes, then directly ask him. Get ideas for gifts from the source! Maybe he’s SICK AND TIRED of new shirts, socks, wallets. Maybe he wants a new set of tools, the Kindle Fire, or a big screen t.v. like I bought Ray for Christmas (something he had been wanting for years and we found one on sale!) Remember,  “…the righteous gives and does not hold back.” (Proverbs 21:26)

13 Catch the little foxes. The Bible says in Song of Solomon 2:15 (NLT): “Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!” In other words, stop arguing and having strife before it ruins your day ~ and destroys your marriage. Arguing over stupid stuff (as most arguments are) – “the little foxes” – can lead to world war fighting. In our cases, we have to watch out not only for the little foxes (bickering), but also for T-Rex dinosaurs!

The Bible warns us that where there’s envy and strife, there’s confusion and every evil. Strife is rooted in pride, with each person thinking he or she is “right” and/or trying to prove a point.  Some great advice I received years ago from a Biblical counselor was that as soon as strife started (or “intense domestic discussion,” as one friend jokingly calls it), to say out loud, “Strife break!”, holding up your hand like a stop sign ~ and then both partners walk away until you calm down and come back later to discuss it more rationally.

Strife has done incredible damage to Ray’s and my marriage for 19 years. We are very different people and we’re both stubborn and hard-headed, so we could argue over the weather. I am finally learning the beauty and the power of just being quiet and not arguing. It works miracles!

This isn’t easy for me to do, but I am asking God to help me with it every day. As my marriage counselor so wisely said, you can’t have strife alone. It takes two to tango.  Try being quiet when your spouse is trying to provoke an argument and see if it helps your marriage.  This doesn’t mean being a doormat or not speaking up when wrong is being done. But arguing over silly things is immature and a waste of precious time. God has a great purpose for your life (and your husband’s); don’t miss out on it through disobedience to God and day after day strife with your husband.

14. Dates and having fun are still a must! I believe this is one of the main reasons people divorce. They get caught up in the daily grind of working, taking care of the kids, paying bills, and forget to have fun anymore and learning about each other.

You don’t have to spend a lot of money to date. You can just go for a walk at night looking up at the stars, go out to eat for lunch, go to a matinee like The Hunger Games, or watch a movie at home together when the kids are in bed. One of the things that makes me happier than anything else is going to eat Mexican or Mediterranean food with Ray and just talking. To me, that is a perfect date! I don’t need anything else to be happy.

In the movie Fireproof, the two married men Caleb and Michael were discussing Caleb reading The Love Dare book and how it encouraged the husband to “study” his wife – with the ultimate goal of eventually getting a “Ph.D.” of education in knowing her.

It’s the same with wives. How well do you know your husband? What are his likes, his dislikes? What bothers him, what causes does he believe in? What are his core values? What irritates him? What are his big dreams and has he achieved them yet? What is holding him back from those dreams? What is his favorite color, meal, sport, t.v. show, author, movie?

Get to know your spouse again. Talk and go out again ~ without the kids.  Ask your parents (or other children!), friends, or neighbors to watch your kids. Barter with other couples for date nights or romantic weekend get-aways with your spouse.

Sometimes people fall into a familiar rut, which is how boredom in marriage sets in. Shake things up a bit. Drive someplace new with your husband – a different city, state, or even a trip overseas, like Ray and I took for our 10th wedding anniversary to Switzerland. We rented a car and drove through the Alps in the snow, also visiting Italy, France, and Liechtenstein. Learn a new hobby like skating, photography, or Salsa or Country Line Dancing. Do something fresh to breathe new life into a marriage that may be getting stale. I think it may be time for another overseas trip! :)

15. Don’t diss his favorite people. It’s okay for him to be fed up with his parents, siblings, mentor, best friend, boss, or co-worker, but don’t you dare say something negative.  This will actually serve to put him in the awkward position of having to defend them from you!  Empathy is a powerful relationship builder; criticism is not. Remember blood is thicker than water, and friends can feel like blood kin to him, too.  Just listen as he vents, without adding in your unasked-for, two cents.You don’t have to tell your husband everything you think!

This is hard for women, especially if they see someone doing their husbands (or children or other loved ones) wrong. Because of women’s intuition and discernment, women often pick up on things faster than men, so you may have already seen the situation coming.  Just extend compassion to him.

If you can’t stand the people he hangs around, works for or with, or he knows, just pray about the situation.  Smiling, being civil, and walking in the fruit of the Holy Spirit can disarm the worst offender. For this, you will need to stay prayed up and in God’s word.

Let your husband know you’re on his side in support…not how you agree with his enemies how he just needs to get his act together.

Stay tuned tomorrow for part 3 and the conclusion of this blog series!

Print Friendly
rose

Today is Ray’s and my 19th wedding anniversary (20 years of dating), and this week I’m reminded of the 1970′s Almond Joy and Mounds commercial jingle:

“Sometimes you feel like a nut,

Sometimes you don’t,

Almond Joy’s got nuts

Mounds don’t.”

 

Except our jingle would go:

“Sometimes you feel like you’re rich,

Sometimes you’re broke,

Next week we’ll have money to blow,

This week we don’t!”

We weren’t able to go out for a nice steak dinner this week to celebrate our anniversary, but we plan to go next week on payday. Ray did buy me a beautiful, long-stemmed red rose (my favorite flower) with baby’s breath, and I bought him a funny card and since he’s at work today, I posted a country music video on his Facebook wall today, Honeybee by Blake Shelton  (Ray loves country.) I’m also baking him a carrot cake (his favorite cake).

I thought I’d share 20 Things I’ve Learned from our twenty years together. Some of these may be already obvious to you, but I’ve had to learn them the hard way. :)

  1. Love is a decision. When Ray and I first dated, I thought love was that heart-racing, can’t-wait-to-see-you-again, romantic feeling, and Ray taught me differently. He showed me a video series by Dr. Gary Smalley called Love Is A Decision. The longer Ray and I are married, the more I am beginning to understand this concept. It’s been tested many times in our marriage. Sometimes those feelings of love are definitely NOT there! Love is a choice you must make in marriage; it’s a day-to-day, staying-no-matter-what commitment.
  2. You can NOT change your spouse! Oh, believe you me, I have tried: professional nagging, manipulating, begging, crying, ordering, demanding, threatening ~ none of which work, by the way. What I HAVE found to work is prayer. God is so much better at convincing Ray to do things than I am. Probably the worst threat I could make to Ray is, “Okay, I am going to pray about that!” Hahaha. Of course, what Ray doesn’t know is that often when I have the intent to pray for him, I have found what Stormie Omartian, author of The Power of a Praying Wife, discovered when she began praying for her husband: that as she prayed, God began dealing with her heart and changed her instead. No, you will not change your husband. I have tried for 20 years to change Ray from being a  “messy” who won’t throw anything away to an organized clean-freak who throws everything away, like me. It hasn’t happened and I don’t think it ever will, barring a flood that carries all his junk away or an earthquake that swallows it alive in the ground. (There’s always hope!) He isn’t a hoarder, at least, but his “cherished belongings” have been an issue between us our entire marriage…and between him and his friends, each time we have to move to a new place (they don’t want to move all that stuff!). Likewise, there are things about me that Ray wants to change, too. (He probably has a very long list! See #3 below to start.)
  3. Cooking good and frequent meals is important. Actually, I still haven’t learned this lesson because I don’t like to cook, but I’m working on it.  My mom always shooed us kids out of the kitchen when I was growing up, so I never learned how to cook well. When Ray married me, I could boil a hot dog, cook grilled cheese sandwiches and tuna melts, and fix tacos. Come to think of it, I still cook a lot of tacos. But Ray is a meat-and-potatoes man. Mostly meat. THE MAN ALWAYS WANTS MEAT. If I set down a dish of vegetables or a salad in front of him for dinner, he’d just look at me like, “What is THIS?”  This year I’ve been working with my health coach Bess Blanco to learn quick, easy, healthy meals WHICH INCLUDE MEAT that taste delicious, so this is really helping this area of our marriage.
  4. You’re not clones, for heaven’s sake! The Bible says the man and the woman will leave their parents, cleave to each other (stay with each other, join each other), and will become one flesh. The original Greek word for flesh is basar, which means body. It doesn’t mean you become the same person who thinks the same thoughts all the time and likes everything the same all the time. You’re still an individual. God created each of us uniquely for a specific purpose, with unique spiritual gifts, personalities, intelligence, talents, callings, tastes, preferences, etc. You and your husband won’t be clones of each other. For example, Ray enjoys watching sci-fi movies with our daughter Leah; I love chic flics. I love Mexican and Mediterranean food; he prefers spicy Thai and sushi. I am an introvert who needs solitude and quiet to refill; he enjoys being around crowds of people. It’s okay that we’re different, and we can celebrate those differences.
  5. Respect each other. Men want respect more than anything else, and women desire love. But respect should be mutual in marriage. Your children are watching you each day (and your neighbors can hear you!), and they will grow up to treat their spouses the way you and your husband treat one another.  Scary thought, isn’t it? :)   Show kindness and respect to one another. Arguments are inevitable in marriage at times, but marriage counselors have a rule that is wisdom: “Fight fair.”  No name-calling, blaming, screaming, cursing, or using “you always” or “you never” statements. If you just can’t agree on something and emotions are getting out of control, agree to disagree ~ and come back later to discuss it when tempers are cooled.
  6. Give and take. Marriage is one of the greatest tests of selflessness. One example would be for Ray to not make a lot of noise in the morning to be more sensitive to my need for peace and quiet, especially in the early morning. Sometimes it’s hard to give to your spouse. We all want our way, don’t we?  But remember that God blesses givers. Proverbs 22:9 says, “He who is generous will be blessed, for he gives some of his food to the poor.” Learn to be a giver in your relationship, not just a taker, and God will reward you. When I have done something for Ray, especially something that he has not asked me to do, I have felt such a peace from God flooding my soul, and sensed God smiling upon me.
  7. Don’t let the kids divide you; present a united front. Yes, kids know how to work this one! They will take full advantage of it. Ray and I are a blended family; we were both previously married before and had a child from those marriages. All families have issues to work through, but stepparenting has even more challenges. Stepchildren may resent the stepparent and want their parents to get back together again, doing all they can to break up your marriage. Be on guard against this. Protect your marriage through prayer and daily communication with each other and the kids. Eventually, your children and/or stepchildren will fly the nest, and it will just be the two of you. Don’t let yourselves become strangers staring across the table at each other, not having anything in common or wondering what to say to each other – or even looking at your spouse and asking, “Who are you?” Cultivate unity in your marriage by frequent dates, pleasurable sex, and talking each day.
  8. It matters how you look. I’m not sure where we sometimes get the idea that it’s okay to become dumpy looking after the wedding! Your husband knows that it’s inevitable that you’re going to age, but that is not a license to stop caring about your appearance. When you dated, you looked your best for him, didn’t you? I always bought a new outfit with matching accessories (shoes, jewelry, etc.) and made sure my hair and makeup looked good before I went out with Ray on dates. Yes, I wanted to seduce that man and make him mine! So why stop after the honeymoon? Listen to me! There are PLENTY of women out there who do NOT care if your husband is married or not. They will be glad to take him away from you. As a Christian woman, we know that there is much more to our value than our appearance, but we still shouldn’t neglect it.  Men are visually attracted to beauty; this is one of the reasons why pornography is rampant everywhere and has trapped even God-fearing, Christian men and why Christian marriages are being destroyed by affairs. I am working now on getting fit and losing weight. Through the years my weight has gone up and down like a yo-yo, and I am tired of the extra pounds. Ray has not TOLD me to lose weight, but I want to look good for him and for him to find me as attractive as possible. I still want to turn his head when I walk into the room!  I also have my hair highlighted and cut regularly, and keep the length long because Ray likes it that way. I wear makeup, even when I am staying home ~because I want to look my best for him. The same goes for men with their wives. They should do what they can to be as attractive as possible to their wives. If she wants him clean-shaven because his moustache or beard hurts her tender skin, then so be it. If he needs to exercise or work out, then he should, not just to sexually attract her, but for his health’s sake. Each spouse should continue to make their appearance a priority to please their spouse. Now that I’ve written about this topic, I think it’s a great excuse to go shopping now for a new outfit, LOL! I will just tell Ray that I’m doing it for HIM! ;)
  9. Sometimes listening is all that’s required. I talk to Ray about EVERYTHING. Yes, I’m sure he gets sick of it sometimes. But he is my best sounding board, about our kids, our finances, my business, my relationship with God, etc. Sometimes when I am sharing problems with him, due to his spiritual giftings and the way God wired men, he wants to “fix” the problem ~ even when I don’t necessarily want him to fix it. I am just wanting him to listen. This reminds me of the movie White Men Don’t Jump that Ray, our friend Pat, and I saw years ago.  The character Gloria woke up in the middle of her sleep and said to Billy, who’s sleeping next to her: “Honey? My mouth is dry. Honey, I’m thirsty.” He gets up to get her a glass of water and says, “There you go, honey.”  Gloria now responds in an angry tone, “When I said I was thirsty, it doesn’t mean I want a glass of water.” Of course Billy is confused now and said, “It doesn’t?”  Gloria tells him: “You’re missing the whole point of me saying I’m thirsty. If I have a problem, you’re not supposed to solve it. Men always make the mistake of thinking they can solve a woman’s problem. It makes them feel omnipotent…it’s a way of controlling a woman….See. if I’m thirsty, I don’t want a glass of water. I want you to sympathize.” It’s a hilarious scene. Ray and Pat busted out laughing when they saw it, because as men, they had both experienced a similar situation with a woman. I related. Sometimes I just want Ray to listen ~ not try to fix my problem. Men have the fun job of figuring out WHEN they’re supposed to just listen and when they’re supposed to help solve the problem.
  10. Sometimes he needs to talk. When Ray first met me, I was terribly shy and quiet. (He now jokes those were the good, old days.) Now I talk incessantly. But sometimes RAY needs to talk. About work. About God. About the kids. About politics (PLEASE!). About any random thought that crosses his mind. And I need to let him. I’m trying to get better at this and become a more attentive listener (instead of interrupting with, “Oh yeah, that reminds me of the time when…!” ).  Listening – really focusing on what your spouse is saying, as well as what he’s not -  is one of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse.

Stay tuned for part 2 of this post tomorrow.

Print Friendly