Blog, Marriage

Two are better than one

When Ray married me, he knew I didn’t know how to cook much. Mostly I ate out, baked chicken, cooked tacos, fixed tuna melts (Chicken-of-the-sea, drained, mixed with mustard and spread on toasted cheese slices of bread), and prepared other simple, quick dishes. Ray had great hopes I’d change.

After 17 years of marriage I still dislike cooking, although I do cook out of necessity…but I am definitely NOT The Pioneer Woman (although my husband wears boots and loves cowboy hats).

Southern Fried Chicken
When we got married, I had some big shoes to fill as Ray is from south Louisiana and Texas, and his mother and both his grandmothers were fantastic southern cooks. To this day I still can’t make good fried chicken. I’ve tried many great recipes.

So instead whenever we have a “hankering” for it, I buy it at the local deli, which has delicious fried chicken (8 pieces of a variety of chicken for $5.99, plus a bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy). I also use our crockpot a lot for our meals; you can make healthy, easy, inexpensive meals with a crockpot. I love it!

Martha Stewart, Paula Deen, or Rachel Ray, I will probably never be, although I am a better cook than when Ray and I were first married. I always make our Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners with a big turkey and surprisingly tasty dishes. I’m also pretty good at baking.

My husband is a good cook
But Ray is a wonderful cook – it must be the Cajun in him. He likes spicy foods. His grilled Cajun chicken is mouthwatering and he is famous for it among family and friends. He’s also able to go into the kitchen, throw some ingredients together, and it comes out delicious. (Well, everything except his goulash, a concoction he has made in the past. I’m not sure what all is in it, but it’s awful! Other than that, though, he is a great chef.)

Yesterday Ray cooked dinner and then cleaned up the kitchen afterward: it was like a spicy nacho dish, poured over tortilla chips, and had baked chicken and rotel tomatoes. I’d had a long day and I really appreciated it. Since he works long 24-hour shifts as a paramedic, where he hardly gets any sleep on his “down” time, he rarely cooks or cleans when he comes home. That’s understandable and I don’t consider it his job. So I doubly appreciated him doing this since he had worked the night before until 7 a.m.

He’s good for other things, too, lol.
Another thing Ray does that I appreciate is to be my sounding board and adviser for business. He patiently listens to me almost each day as I discuss aspects of my business with him. Really, I am floored at how tolerant he is of me yakking away at him, listening to me go on and on!

You’re the CEO, but your husband may have some great ideas.
I am the “CEO” of my  business, so I make final decisions for it, but I know that I don’t have all the answers that I need. I don’t always do everything Ray suggests, but many times he has sound, practical advice and great ideas for me that are useful and which I try.

It’s important that if you are  a wife with your own business at home that you ask your husband for his input and advice. He probably  has creative, wise  ideas that you haven’t even thought of before. If you are stuck somewhere, he may be able to see the problem with clarity and give you a logical solution that can propel you forward faster.

At the least, he can pray for and encourage you, and you will feel better talking to someone about it. I have found that Ray often has insightful ideas that I can immediately implement and see effective results from them.

As a woman, you are emotionally engaged in your business
Sometimes we as women can’t see the forest from the trees in our business, because we’re too close up to it and emotionally invested in it. (This is also where a mastermind group and coaching/mentoring comes into play…brain power multiplied and other eyes seeing what you can not.)

God has given the husband His wisdom to lead and guide his family. He may not always use that wisdom.  🙂  But you may be pleasantly surprised to find how much he can help you with your business and other aspects of your life if you talk to him, such as homeschooling, behavior issues with the kids, finances, etc.

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9, NLT

The “S” word: Submission
Likewise, you as the wife were created by God to be the helpmeet for your husband. This doesn’t mean being a doormat and submitting to anything and everything the man demands. I have seen far too many times how pastors in the pulpit and how men use the word “submission” like a whip over women’s heads, and it really makes me bristle to see the concept misused.

What about the man’s submission?
It’s funny, you hear a LOT of sermons about the woman needing to submit to the man, but how often do you hear one about the man needing to submit to Christ?

Submission is required of both men and women. It means voluntary, humble yielding to authority. Submission is a beautiful thing when it’s understood properly in light of God’s word. But it’s NEVER to be used to control, manipulate or dominate anyone. And God does not EVER condone abuse, neglect, or abandonment of any kind. Women are not to “submit” themselves to such treatment because that is not how Jesus treats His Beautiful, Precious Bride, the Church.

A husband should listen to his wife’s innate perception
Men need to listen to their wives as well. Women are innately perceptive and intuitive. Some call it the woman’s instinct. I believe God created women to be especially spiritually sensitive. As the keeper of the home and children, she has to be – the watchman over what God has entrusted to her, to make sure there are no dangers threatening her family’s safety and survival.

Of course, that doesn’t mean she’s infallible – obviously, we learn that lesson from Eve, who was deceived by the serpent in the garden of Eden. But a husband may benefit greatly from listening to what his wife is saying, because sometimes she may sense something that is unexplainable which he doesn’t sense.

Are you an Ice Queen?
Husbands should not be so prideful that they can’t and won’t listen to their wives.The wife should also realize that ultimately the final decision for the family is up to her husband. She shouldn’t resort to control and manipulation tactics, nagging, the ice queen treatment, talking about him to others, etc., to get him to do what she wants. If she believes he is wrong, she can pray about it and trust that God can show him this.

Both partners should walk in faithful obedience to God, loving and respecting each other no matter what, and not think they are right all the time. Humility solves a lot of the problems in marriage.

>What does your husband need? How can you help him?
Are you helping your husband or hindering him? If God convicts you that you are not being a very good helpmeet, ask Him to change your heart and make you the wife that your husband specifically needs. More than anything, a man needs respect and a woman needs love.

Thank your husband today for how he also helps and loves you. You might be surprised- tonight he may even load the dishwasher for you. 🙂 Ask yourself what you can do for him, too.

Despite the challenges in marriage, two are still better than one, as the news story below attests
Couple who died holding hands



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